Feeling lost

The photo was taken by me

Hey everyone. 

I hope that everyone is doing amazing. I haven't written a blog post in so long. I feel like its literally the story of my blog. I will post for a straight month and then stop for 6, but its all good! I'm here now.

For the past month or two, I am been feeling down. Well not down, but lost. 

As some of you may know, I work as an assistant buyer and I have been for the past year and a half. I like it but "like" isn't enough for me. For some people "liking it"  is just enough, but it's not enough to make me happy. When I was taking classes in college, buying one of the courses that I had to take. Let's just say it wasn't my favorite. There is so much to do buying that people don't know about. Especially buying for online. From getting information to images to emailing back and forth, making sure things are feeding through, pricing and the list goes on and on. Not to mention that you are dealing with a variety of people from brands, suppliers, departments, and all over.

It's weird because I know that my goal in life was to not to go into buying but yet, here I am. 

I remember at a young age, I knew that I want to work in fashion. From working as editorial styling, in production, a fashion writer, high of the highest fashion model, or Vogue photographer. 

My first taste was in eighth grade. I was helping one of my teacher's clean their room after school. They asked me to throw some magazines into the recycling bin that some students left behind. As I was about to gather all of them, I notice one that caught my notice. It had the cast of Harry Potter on the cover and they looked so fly. I flipped through the magazine and couldn't believe my eyes. I was like a kid in a candy store. I went to the front cover and said "Teen Vogue Magazine." I checked to see if the teacher looking and throw the magazine in my bag. I looked at that one magazine for months. I even hid it under my pillow and would read it at night. (hella extra).
From the moment on, I became obsessed with clothes, designing clothing, styling, photography, video making, designers. Anything and everything that had to do with fashion. Every month, I would go into Barnes and Nobles and buy all the magazine that came out that month. I would watch all of the fashion shows on Youtube and check on all of the Youtube channels talking about fashion. I would study all the designers, watch all the shows and even take notes. Watching movies like The Devil Wears Prada or tv shows like Sex and the City and the Rachel Zoe Project. I felt like I was in front row seat into the industry. 

But it feels just like I am slowly losing my passion and drive (my emotional ass is crying as writing this) but it's true.

I stopped watching so many fashion shows as I use too. I buy a fashion magazine but I never open them. I stopped blogging. Every time I start to make a YouTube, something inside me stops. I stopped writing down ideas. I just stopped.

And don't even get me started on social media. It's like everyone is on the right path to success and you're just barely making it. Seeing people your age or younger than you doing so many amazing things. Some even work for their dream job and you're just at your desk and scrolling to make time go by only to feel like blahhhhhh. 

I just remember the old me and how I wouldn't let anything or anyone stop me from getting to my dream. I remember I was applying to jobs a 14 going into stores like Saks Fith Avenue, Marc Jacobs, even Diane von Furstenberg, handing my resume to the manager and telling them why I should work there. Obviously, I was too young to work but the fact that I had the balls to even do that amazes me. I was like an express train.

I just don't know anymore. -_-. LOL.

I hope that this blog post made sense. I know that it's all over the place but my main point I want to get across is feeling like your life is not going the way you want it to. And the more you think of ways to change your life, you actually push yourself further to where you want to be. Life is a beautiful bitch. I will tell you.

Just remember to...

Love yo'self, Treat yo'self, Respect yo'self


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