Putting someone else's comfort before my own
So I recently watched a YouTube video about a guy that doesn't want to show apart of his arm because he has a big burn scar on it (I think it is burn scar). He covers it because people would say rude things about it. He also said that he gets hella weird stares when in public. He wears a long sleeve shirt all the time and when on the phone he it grabs that cuff of the sleeve to make sure it doesn't fall down and show his scar.
During the video, he said something that got me looking around with a side eye (no shade). He said " I guess I put people's comfort before my own" (talking about long sleeve shirt when he lives in Florida which is hot all the time but anyway) and the stuck a cord with me.
Honestly all my life, I have been putting people's comfort before my own. For example, when people meet me, they say that I am very quiet and shy. One reason I am quiet is because I don't like talking.
Second reason is that I like to observe people habits, not in like a weird way but in like curious way. Like how do they laugh, are they funny, are the ignorant, what are things they don't like and do. I like to do this to see if I want to create a friendship with that people. I mean you can tell if you are going to click with that person. But sometimes I feel like I change for people and put myself in an uncomfortable position.
I do things that I don't like doing to make people feel comfort. I says yes or agree with things that I don't fuck with. Don't tell people how I am feeling because I don't want to be the odd one out. Or I don't want to hurt their feelings. I am always pleasing people before not myself. It not wanting people to not like me or "disappointing" people. I am rolling my eyes at the fact that I do this.
It feels like I am lying to yourself internally which is one of the worst feeling. It is like when you manager ask you to work a day you don't want to. You want to say no but then you have that thought in your mind like "now they are going to think I don't want to work here" or "If I say no, they are going to get me less hours". So you end up saying sure with a nasty side eye (I know that a lot of y'all with hit your manager was a quick HELL NO. lol)
In the word of the talented Janelle Monae "Even if it makes others uncomfortable, I will love hope I am.
Like there are going to be moments where people are not going to understand you and that is okay. You shouldn't hide yourself from anyone. Doesn't matter if it is a scar, fat stomach (which I got), ugly laugh (also got), or your opinion about something. Live in your truth because can't no one take that from you.
I hope you guys like this post. I am going to do more like this on the blog and YouTube. Until next time post, remember to...
Love yo'self, Respect yo'self, Treat yo'self