What has been on my mind

There has been so many things running through my mind. Trying to figure out how I want my life to be. It's hard trying to figure the words to say and type them here.

There are so many things that I want to do but things are in my way. I want to be lose weight but my crazy schedule at my internship causes me to not eat breakfast, eating my unhealthy lunch that my mom makes me (which I love because my mom should have to make my lunch at the age of 21), after a long coming home at 7:30 going straight to bed. Only to be woken up by my brother telling me that dinner is ready. Then doing it all over again but at a different time. When I want to go to the gym I am so tired. I want to buy new clothes but I want to get my body right to buy new clothes. It is like a fucking mind game.

Wanting to blog more and create a YouTube channel is something that I wanted to do for a long time. I told myself that in the being of 2015 I want going to start vloging which didn't. I also told myself that I was going to post more in instagram and tumblr of my outfits. It is hard being I was looking at all of the likes that people get, all of the reblogs, all of the favorites, tagged, comments. Or following more people than the followers you have to make it seem like you're famous or something.Sometimes I wish I more cool, or hip or had better style so I get all of those things. Or having the feeling like you copying someone because they started a blog or a YouTube channel. It is so annoying that I have stop myself from doing the things that I want to try, experience, share, love, dislike because I feel like I am "copying someone".  I don't know how I go to this point of my life. It is so fucking stupid and annoying. When I was younger I didn't give shit about that. I feel like I hold my life in the hands of all of this fucking shit that we call social media.

I don't even have camera to create Youtube videos or blog photos which is annoying but I make best with what I have. I just use my phone and it does a good enough job sometimes.

I don't know where I am going to find the confidence to do all of the things that I want to do but I am going to find it. There are so many things that I want to do in life and I am going to do them. I just have to tell myself to fuck everyone else and just to do you boo

treat yo'self, love yo'self, and most of all just be happy

Also RIP to all of the people that lost their lives in the Charleston, South Carolina terrorist attack.


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